One of the most important early developmental footprints we try to help mature and cultivate is confidence and resilience in children. It is key to introduce these two very significant aspects to an individual for them to become a confident adult.
In class we focus on the “soft skills” just as much as the academic facet. Helping a child with self-regulation and the ability to defer gratification are two crucial fundamental values we believe in. If all soft skills such as motivation, social ability, attention, self-regulation, self-esteem and the ability to defer gratification are developed at an early age, children may have a better chance of being emotionally stronger and confident as adults, which may translate to prosperous and successful careers.
In the article “How to Land Your Kids in Therapy" published in The Atlantic, author Lori Gottlieb explains the concept that trying to protect our kids from unhappiness as children by not allowing them to experience pain, discomfort or disappointment, may actually deprive them of happiness as adults. Children need to experience normal anxiety to be resilient.
During the day when a child is given the chance to “play” freely, they are given the chance to practice “real life." When we step in to protect our children all the time, they don’t learn how to be resilient and work through conflicts.
In the Montessori classroom a child is given the ability to do for him or herself a task, at which he or she feels they can succeed. This means, we as teachers are available to assist when needed, but not before. We demonstrate a “work” or activity for them, then assist minimally if needed, then step back.
We also put out works of different levels for this purpose and to instill confidence, resilience and expand on their concentration. We help develop problem solving skills with the assistance of the language needed to be successful. We will give the child the appropriate words if they do not have them to assist in being polite and effective.
If a child wants a work that another child is already using, they are explained very simply that it is the other child’s turn and they will have a turn soon, but most importantly, they're shown that they can choose something else of interest. This simple process gives them a sense of control over their own day and delays instant gratification.
The two-year span is beneficial for all children. The younger ones are given the time and space to observe and explore, but most importantly the understanding of not getting instant gratification. They become much more resilient by learning patience. By being observers in the room, they are absorbing everything happening around them. Meanwhile, the older children are learning patience and mentoring skills. They have most likely mastered a few concepts, so are now able to be the teacher. Most importantly they're cultivating their own language and becoming secure confident risk takers.
Suggested Reading
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua
The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean Twenge
Raising America by Ann Hulbert
